Heavy

Linkin Park’s songs was one of my soundtrack of life from my junior high school until my earliest life in university. I live with their album since Hybrid Theory until Minutes to Midnight, yes I know it’s not all of them.

Hybrid Theory

There was a time when “all” of the students listen to this album. I know none of them really knew what the song was about, including me. But “Crawling”, “In The End”, “Points of Authority” really marked my final moment in junior high school. So before going to extra class, because we will face the final exam, I will listen to this album at full volume while I am getting ready for school.

I am a good, silent, quiet dude but inside, their music playing non-stop in my head at full volume.

In the memory you’ll find me
Eyes burning up
The darkness holding me tightly
Until the sun rises up.

Reanimation

I have a special memory with “Crwling”. It’s something like Koyuki told the audiences, “Moon on the water, because I have special memory”

Meteora

I listened to the radio back then. “Somewhere I belong” already airing but the album is not out yet. Until there was an announcement that the album will be out. I forgot the date. But I remember at that day I go straight to Tragia, the nearest supermarket, and got the album. I listened to it, while I am study, reading comics, etc.

Somehow the opening of the album “Foreword”, reminded me of Tenchu: Stealth Assassins. “I am Rikimaru, prepare to die!”

This is the era where I have a basecamp, a friend of mine lives alone so we always go there playing games, etc.

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything 'til I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

Live in Texas

While I drive my brother’s car I listen and sing along to this album of course at full volume, because I am alone. I pretended I watch them live.

I think that the first time I drive alone back to my hometown from the city. It’s super fun.

“What the hell are you waiting for…”

Minutes to Midnight

Not so much memory in this album, this is already a digital era. So I have less connection to any song like before. I just remembered Transformer when I heard “What I’ve done”

After that, I am not following them anymore, until Chester’s death.

Heavy

A year after his death, this song showing up on my timeline. Damn, this is deep. I write this post while listening to it.

When I wrote this, this is the fourth year of his death. And the condition of my surrounding is heavy as hell. Death everywhere. A siren from the ambulance day and night. People lost their job, closed their businesses, lost their families.

I am the one who lost a job during this pandemic. Feels heavy, wants to give up, but bills haunted me like a ghost of an ex-girlfriend. But I tried my best to do what I can do. There is nothing I can do except sit in the front of computer and typing, and watch anime of course 🙂

When someone called me a father, give up is not an option. I read that in a meme :v, that’s correct, I am at the top in this small family that I lead. When I tried to complain, it’s just like talk to the mirror. The responsible is in my hand.

Every cloud has a silver lining. We can do it. Keep sane.

I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?